Saturday, April 23, 2011

Letting Go.

My goodness it has been a while since I have decided to get on here and type my thoughts.
A lot has happened since I lost wrote.

Lets see....
Hm, well I'm still working my two jobs and attending school.
But I got kicked/left my mother's place so I am temporarily living at my neighbors.
My car situation is keeping me in this town.
But I am gratefully to have such great neighbors and best friend.

I got a new tattoo done about three weeks ago.
Didn't hurt as bad as I thought that it would.

Last night I went to a lock-in at church.
Had a blast and with my friends Ariana and Chris
with a few others.
I got on stage with them and started singing even though I haven't touched a microphone,
since like 7th grade.

Supposedly I have a voice I can't hear because when I sing I feel like I sound off.
But I think I might start singing more,
they might start a youth group band and I might join.
Just might.

I want to try something new, but I don't want people to think what was she thinking.
I don't know I'm going to take some time to think about it.

Money is completely tight right now
so I'm not doing much.
Well time to get off of work.
See ya.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Being alone it's depressing.

"But I don't believe you baby like I did before.
You're not sorry, no."

I wanted to add this video first, I am not exactly sure why but this is what I decided to do. (:

So this past week I've been sick and of course it's progressed since then, went to the doctor's office today and found out that I have a sinus infection. Now I am on two more types of medications which now adds up to 5 that I take everyday. Geesh!
Hmmm, this weekend I got to hangout with Kali and some girls. Had a fairly decent night and got to see people that I haven't seen in a while. 

I feel really distant for a reason that I'd rather not explain right now, maybe when I feel better and whole again I will decide to go into some more detail about what happened. But one thing that is curiously running through my head is why would I put a feeling inside someones head and make them think twice when you haven't even given me a chance. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all. I think that right now I am going to go write a poem to at least express all the emotions I am feeling right now into something that I can at least personal and get it out since I don't have anyone to talk to about this even though I wish I did. 

I know pathetic, aren't I?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Lost in the emotion.

So this week I started back at school. Of course I choose to do the earliest classes possible so that I could work more, I'm already regretting it lol. I have so many things that are going on right now that I'm shocked that I can think straight right now and with that I've been having sinus issues this week because of the frequent weather change is so much.
So my mom and I have been okay this week surprisingly, but work has just been a little bit frustrating. It's not that it's any of the employees, it's myself that's slacking off at work I guess you could say. I'm not making the sales that I should be. But after the meeting that I had Wednesday night, I'm going to give 110%. 

But I still am having a hard time with relationship. Why do they have to be so difficult? I mean one minute everything seems that it's going great and I'm all smiles and happy. But the next minute it's unsure and I'm just sitting here wondering what if and maybe not. So many mixed emotions, that I've never had to deal with when I was in high school. I know I'm not the only girl in the world that has had her heart broken. But I just feel like after all that I've been through my heart is in pieces and I just need someone to help fix it instead of breaking it all over again. 

I'm tired of the stupid little relationships, where I end up being cheated or screwed over in. I'm done with those now that I'm out of high school. I want something more, but I'm not sure if there is someone there for me. 

  Today I am going to the movies to see NO STRINGS ATTACHED with my best friend MEGAN! so today definitely should be a fantastic day and I can't wait for. Reuniting a friendship that I use to have in middle school that I have missed dearly (:

 This is my favorite part of the song, "Frozen inside without your touch, without your love darling. Only you are the life among the dead."

Monday, January 17, 2011

Hatred is evil.

For some reason my sleeping hours have turned from going to sleep at 12 am to 4 am. And of course today on my day off I could only sleep until 10 am. Woke up and of course I have to have stomach cramps, guess no gym this week :( when I'm finally motivated to tone my body up.
 So today I cleaned up my room for the first time in a while for like an hour and spent most of my day watching Season 2 of Bad Girls Club. I cannot believe that it's raining already, I mean it just snowed geesh.

When my mom got home, I got yelled at for not feeding the dogs and she told me that my stomach cramps weren't an excuse. And of course we got into an argument and I've been in my room since then. My emotions have my insane today not sure why though, haven't been this moody in a while. Song to express my thoughts and emotions. Maybe tomorrow will be better even if I do have school and work. For now I am going to sleep. Good night (:

Saturday, January 15, 2011


   So this is my first time ever doing this and thanks to a friend that inspired me this seems the easiest way to express my true self when I don't have anyone to talk to. Well to start off I have a very complicated/busy life pretty much everyone knows that. Everything is really stressful sometimes even if I don't show it, I work two jobs and attend school. My love life is extremely complex and non existing which I don't understand why. 
  Tonight was family movie night we watched the Killers and it was pretty funny. I forgot how good of an actor Ashton Kutcher was (HOT!). But the further the movie went I saw how happy the couple was and I completely miss that, having that kind of emotion for someone is something that I haven't had in a while. Like last night my friend and I went to Wild Wings in the Vista. The band that was playing had a really cute guitar player and drummer. So I decided I would be "ballsie" I guess you can say and wrote down my number and gave it to the guitar player. I know that he won't text me or anything which sucks because he lives in Blythewood but knowing me I won't find someone for a while. Damn my self-esteem issues. It would be nice to finally have someone that can give me that happy feeling, haven't felt that in a year and I miss it. 

 Maybe just maybe, who knows?
Hopefully I will get better at this blog thing (: